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The Shy Manís Guide to Success with Women

by Terry Heggy

A Handbook for Overcoming Fears and Learning Skills for Success in Dating and Relationships

Learn how to:

  1. Start a conversation, any time, any place
  2. Master the art of great conversations
  3. Become comfortable with women who used to intimidate you
  4. Confidently ask for (and get) dates
  5. Find and meet women with qualities youíre looking for
  6. Understand and use your attractive qualities
  7. Generate charismatic self-confidence
  8. Plan irresistible date proposals
  9. Move from casual dating and friendship into a romantic and sexual relationship
  10. Feel comfortable with loving and being loved

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Table of Contents

Exercises and Guidelines



1 Introduction

2 Shyness

3 Changing Your Results

4 Developing Self-Esteem

5 Developing Courage

6 Figuring Out What You Want

7 Meeting Women

8 Starting Conversation

9 Becoming a Great Conversationalist

10 Tracking Your Progress

11 Dating

12 Romance

13 Relationships

Appendix 1 Sample List of Negative Attitudes

Appendix 2 Sample Affirmations

Appendix 3 Sample List of Good Qualities

Appendix 4 Values

Appendix 5 Places to Meet Women

Appendix 6 Brainstorming

Appendix 7 Personal Style Inventory

Appendix 8 Contact Log

Appendix 9 Date Options

Bibliography and Related Resources


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by Mickey Canaday

I was Terry Heggyís friend in high school and roommate in college. I knew him when he was hopelessly incompetent with women. Whenever we discussed the possibility of Terry eventually dating a woman, it was a short discussion. The conclusion was obvious; he had no chance.

But Terry was always intelligent. He was willing to use his mind to seek solutions to problems. When he told me he was going to join an experiment to see if he could improve his dating behavior, I was not surprised. ďGood for him,Ē I thought, but I really believed he was wasting his time. Terry was just too shy.

It worked, though. Since then, Iíve seen Terry start and carry on conversations with all sorts of women. Iíve seen him charm and befriend women in situations where I would not even have tried. Iíve seen a person I thought was destined to be a nerd forever transform himself into a confident, outgoing, and charismatic man.

He did indeed transform himself. Then he took it a step further. He continued doing research and working with people to discover even better ways for shy men to see new results. He has spent years studying what works and what doesnít work. And because he truly cares about other people, he has put together a program that helps other men find the success he has achieved.

Itís a fantastic program. It works. Terry is a good writer, too; this is an easy book to read. Youíll enjoy it.

I am convinced that any man will benefit form following the advice Terry has to share. You, too, will change your life.

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I didnít want to be shy anymore

I was too shy to get anywhere with women. Itís not that I didnít like them; I have always liked women. At times Iíve adored, loved, and even worshipped them. Iíve always wanted to talk to them, laugh with them, touch them, and make love to them. But for a great part of my life I simply couldnít.

I was too shy.

I watched other guys go out with women and have a good time. I fantasized about what it would be like.

Eventually, I made clumsy attempts to find a woman who would go out with me. What I found, though, were new ways to embarrass and humiliate myself, I concluded that women were reserved for those guys who were either very handsome or who ďknow the secrets.Ē I fit neither category.

I was a nerd, a social misfit, a painfully shy young man. A lonely loser at love. I was terrified of talking to women. I broke out in a sweat at the thought of asking for a date. I remained a dateless virgin at an age when many of my friends were already married with children.

I felt sorry for myself. Even so, I never stopped liking women and yearned for the day when I could make some sort of breakthrough. I knew that Iíd enjoy dating and having a relationship if only I could let women get to know the real me. If only I could get over being shy.


When I was in graduate school (still dateless) I saw an ad for a psychology experiment needing volunteers. A Ph.D. candidate was looking for men interested in improving their dating lives so he could test his theories about changing dating behavior. At this point I was desperate, so I decided to give it a try.

It changed my life.

I implemented the techniques suggested, and within two months I was dating successfully! Such a big return for such a small investment! I became a believer in the possibilities for changing oneís life.

I dated a lot. I fell in love with a special woman and got married. I experienced all the delights of female companionship pleasure. All because I had taken a small risk and tried something different.


Over the nest few years, I paid close attention to what I had learned and was still learning. I read everything I could about women, dating, and relationships. I even did some experiments of my own. I expanded on what I had learned from the Ph.D. candidate.

I observed and analyzed relationships around me, as well as my own relationships. I learned what works and what doesnít work. I learned more about myself and about other people. I grew, changed, and became smarter.

People started to come to me for advice. I realized that success with women was possible for anyone, and that I had found a method anyone could learn.

This book is the product of my studies, experience, and passion for the subject. I know that if you follow the directions contained here, you too will find the way to happiness and fulfillment with those appealing but mysterious people we know as the opposite sex.

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The success on my life exceeded any expectations I had while living as a shy person. As I learned more and grew, I discovered that things are always changing, and that each change leads to more opportunities for improvement.

One of the changes I experienced was that my marriage didnít work out. But even though getting through the pain and confusion of a divorce was probably the toughest thing Iíve ever done, I always knew that I had control over my future. I was determined to make the best of the situation. My shyness had been overcome before; I sure wasnít going to let it stop me now.

So, after the divorce, I started dating again, and enjoyed every minute of it. Before long, I met a woman who was the embodiment of all my fantasies. Not only was she sexy, smart, fun, and beautiful, but she shared my values and passions. We communicate intimately and have the deepest love, respect, and commitment for each other. We were married in January of 1993.

Leaning how to find love despite my shyness has been so important to me that I have dedicated a good portion of my life to helping others achieve the success I now know is possible.

Iíve taught classes in overcoming shyness since 1991. Iíve given lectures and provided seminars for people from all across the country. Iíve seen hundreds and hundreds of people change their lives with the simple techniques discussed in this book. I hope your experience will be as positive. Please let me know by writing to me in care of the publisher at the address listed on the back page of the book.

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Objectives of This Book

Why Did You Decide to Read This Book?

Think about it. What were you hoping to accomplish by reading this book? Take out a piece of paper and write the answers to the following questions. The exercises in this book are designed to work specifically for you; therefore your answers must be truly yours. If you want this program to work, you must be honest and complete.


Exercise 1 - List Motivating Factors

1. What is it about your life that you want to change? What is unpleasant (e.g., fears, rejections, discomfort, lack of companionship, etc.)?

2. What results do you want that you arenít getting(e.g., good dates, any dates, love, sex, conversation, friendship, Self-Esteem)?

3. What would it be like to achieve success with women? What would you have that you donít have now? How would your daily activities change? How would it feel?


The answers to these questions are the fuel for change and growth. If you can focus on these motivating factors, it will be easy to generate the energy to go through this program. Youíll be able to see that the effort you put into changing has a payoff that far outweighs the costs.

Making Changes

You donít control anyone else, but by having control over yourself, you probably control a lot more than you think. Some statements to ponder:

* Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is insanity.

* For things to change, Youíve got to change.

* There was a girl in one of my college classes that I wanted to meet, and hopefully date. I followed her around between classes, hoping for something to happen. Well, something did - she got sick of seeing me following her around. *

The behavior I had chosen simply didnít work. I had to learn and implement new behaviors if I wanted positive results.

You must make changes. Here are some of the things that you may choose to change:

You canít change your past or your genetic makeup. Some things you can change, but usually would not want to:

I am a white male, 5 feet 10 inches tall. I was born in Kansas. I canít change these facts. I donít want to change the fact that I am a nice guy who likes to help people. When I take personality tests I still come out rated as extremely introverted, and thatís OK with me. But, I did want to change the way my introversion affected my life, so I learned to be comfortable dealing with people. Now I make my living as a speaker and teacher, and I enjoy doing it. But I still like spending time alone, too.

The point is that I realized Iíd have to make changes. I also learned that I could choose which changes to make.

You can too.

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Make a Commitment

You have nothing to lose by trying this program. You arenít getting what you want now; if at the end of this program you still arenít getting what you want, youíll be no worse off. You can even get your money back for the book if youíre not happy with the way things work. Youíre not risking anything.

But if you do succeed, think how wonderful it will be, Go back to the results of Exercise 1. Imagine having exactly what you want. How much effort would that be worth?

It will take effort. I canít do it for you, nor can anyone else. Youíve got to do it. Oh, itíll be fun and rewarding, all right; but it will take effort. Iíll give you the tools and methods, but youíll have to implement them in a way thatís consistent with your personality and internal values. If you choose not to use what you learn, then you have no one to blame but yourself.

Make the commitment.

Hereís what will take. First, read this book and do all the exercises. This may take anywhere from a few days to several weeks. After that, plan to spend a small segment of time each day (15 minutes or so) using what you learned for about a four-week period. By then you will be seeing results. After that, the time youíll spend will depend on how successful you want to be and what other changes you want to make.

Youíll find, as I did, that if you use the tools in this book, you will see results in a very short time. Results will continue to improve in the future. Youíll receive side benefits, such as improving your career and health. Youíll gain the courage to try all sorts of new things. I can say that I got the results I wanted from the work I put into this program. In fact, Iíve never gotten a better return on an investment in my entire life.

Make the commitment.

The Exercises

Some of the exercises in this book may seem pointless or silly. They are not. They are an integral part of what makes this program work. Do them - completely and honestly. No one else will ever see what you come up with in the exercises. They are your private work, but they are work that will be valuable to you in your quest for improved results. Set aside time when you are alone to read the book so you can do the exercises without anyone interfering. They are important.

Consider this book a working tool. Do not be afraid to write in it, highlight in it, or mark it up. It is private and personal. If someone else wants to borrow it, tell them to get their own copy. Your copy must be sacred, so that youíll feel comfortable enough to share your innermost thoughts with yourself. If you donít have privacy and comfort, the work you do will not be as effective.

If your copy gets marked up, or if you borrowed this book from a friend or library, donít let it stop you. You can use any blank paper, or you can order the exercise notebook from the publisher.

The bottom line is: Doing the exercises = seeing the results.

Do this exercise right now.

************* Exercise 2 - Make the Commitment

1. List two major things that you have achieved in life that were worth the work you put into achieving them.

2. Imagine you decided not to do the work in this book. Think of yourself five years from now, no closer to the success with women you want. Are you happy with that decision?

3. Repeat the following sentences out loud. When I want something, Iím willing to work for it. I want to be successful with women. I am committed to doing the exercises in this book.

************* Guarantee

If you do the things described in this book (including the exercises), you will improve your results with women. If for any reason you are dissatisfied with this book, contact me in care of the publisher, and Iíll see that you get your money back.

Chapter Summary

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